Phillipa & Ezra

Are You Who You Say You Are?

Who are you anyway?

If I visited your website, will I be able to figure out who you really are? Does your bio make me want to be your best friend?

From your blog posts, will I be able to learn about you? Enough to trust you with my first-born?

Does your Facebook page scream your values, what you really care about and what you absolutely hate?

As a coach or mentor, to evoke feelings of trust, kinship and even love in the people you want to work with is what is going to create an enlightened connection.

Creating an enlightened connection

Women want to connect with you on an authentic level. They want an enlightened connection, they don’t want to see an inside-the box approach. They want to understand you, they want to know you at a deep level. They want to understand what your values are and what your priorities are in life. They want to know what the heck you’re all about. They don’t want to connect with you at a surface level anymore. As women, we are busy. We have busy lifestyles.

We’ve got families, we’ve got groceries, we’ve got children to take care of, we’ve also got businesses to build, so we don’t have a lot of time but that doesn’t mean that we’re looking for a very surface level connection. We’re still looking for an enlightened connection, an authentic connection. We don’t want a one-night stand, we want a lifetime partner when it comes to investing and building our businesses.

So, you must be very careful and very graceful at being able to deliver and to be able to articulate who you are and what you’re all about in a way that not only allows them to connect with you, but allows you to convert them into a premium paying client.

As women, your prospects and your clients are not looking for a robot. They’re looking for somebody who is true. They’re looking for your flaws, your contradictions as well as your strengths; but more importantly, they’re looking to learn and be led by someone who is truly living the life that they want to lead.
They want to be building their lives and their businesses along the path of least resistance and they want to learn it from someone who’s already doing it.


The fear around showing who you really are

If actually being who you say you are were as easy as it sounds, everyone would be doing it.

And I hear other business and marketing coaches say it all the time “Just be yourself”, “Just be authentic” (btw, because of these other coaches, the word authentic really gets at my nerves now!)

But the simple truth is, being yourself is hard!

I bet when you were writing your website content, there were things you want to right, maybe you wanted to say “amazeballs”, or “I believe God put me here to…” or even something like “I’m fucking awesome at…!”

Or when you were looking for an image to put on your blog post, you contemplated that funny face one of yourself and your 4 year old.

People on your website ^^

But you filtered yourself. And your copy and photos turned out like the million other robot coaches and mentors around the interwebs. Plain, boring. Something that potential clients will begin reading and then think, “oh man, this woman sounds like a snoozefest” and they fall asleep on their desk. OK, maybe they won’t fall asleep, but you get the point?

You got scared that if you told the world who you really are, what you’re really like, and what you really believe in, you will get people hating on you and calling you unprofessional.

And you know what?

You will!

How to get over the fear of showing yourself

People are definitely going to hate on you, people are definitely going to call you unprofessional, but think about it this way:

Do you want to work with people who love you for who you are and you have an awesome time with them, or do you want to work with people that get on your nerves and make you want to pull your hair out?

By being who you really are and showing that through your marketing, you will be weeding those undesirable clients out, and making room for those that love that your program is called How To Make Love To Your Clients.

If you look through all of my website, blog posts, Facebook page, Twitter feed and videos you will see who I really am. You will get to know me before we actually meet. And if you’re lucky enough to get on the phone and talk to me, you will see that everything is consistent.

That, is what you need to be doing too.

Once you start showing the world who you really are, your flaws and contradictions, your coaching or mentoring business will soar (and people visiting your website will stop being bored!).

Let’s start now.

In the comments below, tell me (and everyone reading) one thing about you that you don’t want potential clients to know, or one thing that you really wanted to put on your website or Facebook page but pulled back on.

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About The Author

Phillipa Kiripatea

Phillipa Kiripatea is a marketing mentor that teaches female coaches, mentors and consultants "How To Make Love To Their Clients" and create a business that gives them freedom. Get the worksheet here to get clear on your ideal client.

  • Lily-Ann MacDonald

    Hi, Phillipa …

    Great post about getting real. Oddly enough, it’s never occurred to me to be any other way than how I am, but I can certainly see what you’re pointing at. It could be that I’m seen as a snoozefest … to some people. And yet to others, I may seem a little bit too abstract or outside the box. Hard to say. Different people react to me in different ways, and I’m okay with that. I’ll still call it the way I see it, because that’s how I roll..

    If that’s what a client is looking for, that’s great … I am very much a take-it-or-leave-it kind of gal, so naturally I won’t fit everyone’s taste. But the way I figure it, some folks like chocolate ice cream, while others prefer strawberry – and yet somehow, there’s still enough room for everybody on this wild and wacky planet …

    Thanks for prompting some introspection here …


    • PhillipaKiripatea

      That is so beautiful Lily-Ann that you just roll how you roll!
      You’re right, different people will react to you in different ways. So just keep being your amazing self and those that will react to you in a loving and accepting way will be there cheering you on!

  • sonia

    love this post, i’m in the process right now of becoming more and more comfortable just being me .. there is no other way I know how to be .. but in business I have kept an arms length with my audience which I’m now learning to put down and just open my heart to anyone who enters my space regardless of whether it’s personal or business.

    • PhillipaKiripatea

      It takes a while to start peeling off those layers and getting to the core of who you are (and showing that to the world). It takes courage mostly. All the best to you Sonia xx

  • Alecia Lawrence

    This is such a great message Phillipa.

    I find people tend to put things out there based on
    what they envision other people would want to hear.

    I believe it all ties into holding a certain confidence in
    your identity. This is what I stand for, This is who I am.

    You are right, people will like you or hate you no
    matter what. The best is just to be true to yourself.

    Honor who you are and what you stand for.
    I can say if you check out my facebook page and my
    blog are congruent with what I believe in and stand for.

    Thanks for posting this
    Love Peace and Bliss

    • PhillipaKiripatea

      Thank you Alecia xx
      Yes that’s true. People do put things out there based on what they thing other people want to hear.
      If we just did things how we feel like we need to do things without running ideas through a filter first, I feel like the world will be a better place. It will be a more honest and connected place.
      Congruency is key!

  • Lyndi MacRae

    oh I just love that image…. hahahahaahaaa thanks for the giggle. I love it…. and I mean really love it cause I do weird shit when I am bored… hahahaahahaaaahaaa

    • PhillipaKiripatea

      Haha! Yep I’ve decided I’m going to use more gifs in my blog posts. Because images are funnier when they move 😀

  • Laura Vermont

    So agree with your statement “But the simple truth is, being yourself is hard!”
    Even though we all know that we need to “be authentic”, “be ourselves”, “find our voices”, “write epic shit”, and so on … Truth is those things take time and practice. It takes time to show the world who you are (unless your one-dimensional, in which case it should be straightforward). It takes practice to find your voice. It takes patience to find your sweet spot.
    I’m a firm believer that the most important thing is to take action and just give it a go. Don’t over-think. Just do it.
    (PS – I so agree with you on the over-use of “authentic” — aaarghhhh)

    • PhillipaKiripatea

      It is so hard. It’s taken me 25 years to figure out how to be myself. I’ve spent a lifetime thinking I was as real as it got, but I wasn’t.

      I think once you get over the fear of people berating and being negative towards you, being yourself gets a lot easier.

  • Hey Philly, this post just reminded me how badly I need to update my Social media. They are so outta whack with my website since the rebrand.

    Thanks for the reminder x

    • PhillipaKiripatea


  • Transparency is so great! It’s definitely scary at first, but there is something very liberating about just being yourself. And of course, people will respond to your openness. Thanks for writing this guide about why and how to do just that!

    • PhillipaKiripatea

      So very liberating!

  • this is timely advice for me, phillipa! i think my blog posts reveal my true self, but i’m actually in the process of rewriting the copy on my home and about pages because they don’t feel quite right yet. your post enabled me to make some connections, and i think i know now how/where i need to tweak them (thanks).

    • PhillipaKiripatea

      That’s awesome April! Glad I could help you xxx